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The History of Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope* This is the sad but true reality of business lobbied government and policy in Canada. For years I lived on an island north of Algonquin Park in Ontario. Like most of rural Ontario it was infested with Black Flies and Mosquitoes amongst many other so called pest of the wild. I had been an inventive and innovative person all my life. It came naturally to myself and became a daily hobby of interest. I developed a theory on how to stop insects from biting humans and animals. It worked and I used it on myself for years. I created an odourless liquid that was made from food that has been approved by Agriculture and Agrifoods Canada for oral consumption. In fact, Agriculture and Agrifoods Canada find these same foods to be so extremely safe that they have absolute approval to be uncontrollably consumed in any amount the user desires. That means they are really, really safe! I created a taste that was offensive to black flies and mosquitoes alike. It worked extremely well and I'd been personally using it for years. A man I knew named Lionel and whom I knew to be the cheapest S.O.B. I've ever met came over one morning. He was putting in his gardens and the black flies were out in full force. He was using Deep Woods Off made by S.C. Johnson (a 5,000 plus employee, so called family company). I was splitting my firewood and was wearing only industrial work boots and a pair of cut-off denim shorts. Lionel asked me what I was using as the black flies were biting right through his *toxic* to human product. I nodded towards a bowl of my own formula. Lionel went over to my bowl and began to dip his hands and rub it over his hands, arms and face. He left without saying much. *Toxic* Deet, or N,N-diethyl-m toluamide and/or N,N-diemethylbenzamide. Well over 100 independent laboratories studied DEET and rendered the same conclusion. DEET is not safe to be applied directly on the skin of humans. I would say that's conclusive enough evidence. However a lobbyist for Deet and possibly S.C. Johnson itself had these studies and ultimately a government ban over-ruled when it was shown that 4 tics were drowned in a puddle of 100% pure deet in the palm on a hand. Hell, you could have drowned them in oil for that matter. Back to the history of Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope I split fire wood until dark and went in and fell asleep on the couch. I was too tired even to go upstairs to bed. The next morning I awoke to the sound of pounding on my door. I'm not sure if it was even 6 o'clock yet but there was Lionel pounding on my door. I got up and opened the door. Lionel asked if I'd give him some of my bug dope and then the cheap S.O.B. offered to pay me for it. That's when I first realized I had something that was great! The long and short of it. Chuck Beech of S.C. Johnson Canada began to regularly telephone me right up until the day of testing at Guelph University by Doctor Gordon Surgeoner. When my secretary and I arrived and were walking down the hallway to Doctor Gordon Surgeoner's office for lab testing we heard him on the telephone to Chuck arranging an early luncheon date for that same morning. Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope out preformed all insect repellent including OFF and Deep Woods OFF and that crappy OFF-Skintastic in the field and had began to outsell them in many locations as well. Needless to say that my product failed the laboratory tests at Guelph University. Oh and just so that you know, S.C. Johnson's Off-Skintastic Insect Repellent did not ward off Mosquitoes nor Black Flies at all in the bush. It worked incredibly well in Doctor Gordon Surgeoner's lab for some strange reason. The next year I arranged to have it tested at Nipissing University in North Bay Ontario by Doctor Desmond Anthony, PhD in parasitology. Doctor Desmond Anthony first stated that testing should be done during the spring which is the height of Black Fly season. Later he would become unavailable and eventually set a date of October for testing. There never are black flies in October in that part of Ontario. But here is why this ridiculous suggested testing time occurred. As I was aware of the corruption I faced at Guelph University a year earlier, I arranged the testing of Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope by Doctor Desmond Anthony at Nipissing University as well as at yet another university in Canada by equally qualified Doctors. I then had one of my secretaries pretend to be a "dumb blond" and call Chuck Beech at S.C. Johnson Canada. She was to pretend she didn't know who it was she was supposed to contact about the testing of Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope at Nipissing University so she called them. I believe that is why Doctor Desmond Anthony changed the schedule and I cancelled all testing at Nipissing University. The test were concluded by one of the top universities in Canada. The results were completely the opposite of the instant failing at Guelph University. In fact the results were exceptional. I wrote a press release and sent it out by fax to all the major newspapers and television networks in Canada. It was still private as none of them had sent it to press and never would. Within a 20 minute time frame, S.C. Johnson makers of "OFF" brand repellents, and Schering-Plough makers of Muskol insect repellent both telephoned my office. They both pretended to be someone at home who came across my faxed press release. The call display on the telephone showed otherwise. At 20 minutes, Charles Baird the assistant to Ralph Goodale, and then the Right Honourable himself Ralph Goodale Minister of Agriculture called. I remember it well. I put all of the callers above on the speaker phone for all my staff to enjoy. Just as his assistant had done, he announced who he was and proudly boasted his title and I told him who I was. He immediately got right to the point. He told me he'd been informed that I had been selling my novelty product Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope illegally according to the Pest Control Products Act. I informed him that I had not violated any laws on novelty sales in Canada. With that, "The right honourable Ralph" (I like using that, it sounds so honourable, doesn't it?) But the right honourable Ralph asked me, "How would I like it if he slapped a product recall order on me for selling Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope? "Great!", I said and asked if he'd like my fax number. The right honourable Ralph then said, "You're not much of a fu- -ing businessman are you!" "That would mean you'd have to pull all of your product of every shelf in Canada at your own expense!" he further proclaimed. With that I told him, "And you're not much of a fu- -ing Right Honourable Minister either!" "That would grant me a National Press Release and put my product Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope on the Global stage, and f- -k Canada and it's sales". The right honourable Ralph the stuttered and said, "ahhhhh, um, an isolated incident" and then hung up the telephone. After that, I was informed by some retail store owners that sales representatives for S.C. Johnson had stated they could be fined $10 or $20,000.00 for selling Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope. That's the true story about Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope as myself and a few others know it. As for the S.C.Johnson? Well let's just say they are contributing to landfills by selling items like needless floor replacement pads and toxic insect repellent for you and your family. They are still pretending to be a Family company. As for "Right Honourable Ralph?" Perhaps one day he may actually become honourable. For now it's just a mere title. As for Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope? It was and still is the safest non-toxic insect repellent ever. Not once did your government and mine offered to assist in bringing you a safe insect repellent. I guess I don't have the kind of money lobbyist do? Unfortunately, Woodsmans Fly & Squito Dope is not for sale in Canada. |
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1993 -
06 Mar 2010
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